Turning 60

Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows the anguish I have been experiencing with my monumental birthday that is approaching in two weeks. I think everyone has that one birthday that gives them more grief than others. My 40th was very hard, but nothing like this one.

When we’re young, we have our whole life ahead of us to accomplish our goals and dreams. Many of us have done quite well while other are still struggling to find those hopes and dreams we thought we would have at point in our life. Sitting here right now, it seems like it was just a few short years ago I was 30, but 30 more years have passed. I’ve often wondered if I only knew then what I know now how my life would be compared to what it is now.

Right now the largest percentage of my life is behind me which gives me an unsettling feeling. There are so many more things I want to do, places to visit, and things to learn. Life in itself is a learning experience. I have made many wrong choices but have learned through my mistakes.

I was raised in an extremely strict environment. While my friends were going roller skating or to dances, I was home being a “good girl”. Dancing was the devil!!! I really was a good girl and gave my parents no reason to mistrust me, yet I couldn't’t understand why they were so strict. That is the reason I married young, to escape this smothering control over my life. Little did I know I was jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Along this wonderful road of life, I have learned many things. Over the next couple weeks, I’ll be sharing many with you. These are in no particular order, just as they come to me at the moment.

1. The only person I can change is myself. Think how hard it is to change anyone of our behaviors. Trying to get someone else to change their behaviors is fruitless.

2. We have different types of friends. Like the joke says, “a good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting there beside you saying, ‘we really screwed up’”. There are other friends that are only there when they need something.

3. Blogging I don’t have to worry if I get the punctuation right or wrong.

4. Family is first and foremost. This I didn’t learn, this is something I have lived my entire life knowing.

5. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Time will ease the pain, but the scars will be eternally with you. Before I get negative reactions to this comment, let me provide an excellent example. My Mom died in 1980. Yes, it’s easier today than it was right after she died, but that wound will never heal.

6. I am never too old to learn a new skill.

7. It’s important for me to be cognizant of the world events around me. I either read the newspaper daily, watch the evening news, or read the news on the internet. It’s important for me to read different views on the subject so I can formulate my own opinions.

8. When faced with a dilemma, and I decide not to make a decision at the moment, actually I already made the decision to postpone further action until later.

9. When my plate is completely full and running over, and I’m at my wits end on how to proceed, I put all my problems in neat little boxes and put them on a shelf. When I’m in a better frame of mind, I take one box down and deal with only that issue. Years ago I was going through some rough times and this is the advise a health professional/friend gave me to help me cope. I will never forget this. Believe me it works!!!

10. Actors really don’t look like they appear on the big screen or TV. If we had professional make-up artists fixing our face and hair, we too would look that good.

11. The only way for me to lose weight is to reduce the sugar and add activity.

12. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. We have all done or said something really stupid, so go ahead and laugh about it.

13. Trust your first instinct. Being a Libra, I want to weigh and reweigh every possible angle to every possible problem or concern. I have found that my first instinct is always the best.

14. Laugh everyday. Laughter is the best medicine.

15. I am thankful God has not given me everything I have asked for.

16. My dress size does not determine my self worth.

................to be continued

Ultrasound

The technician who administered the ultrasound told me she did not see anything wrong except one very small cyst on my kidney, less than a centimeter. I don't know if the technicians are told not to give the patients any information or if her observation is correct. I will hear from my doctor on Wednesday after the radiologist reads the ultrasound. Until then, I'm going to live in the pink.

After my ultrasound I went shopping. One place I stopped was in a shopping center where Curves is located. I saw people going in, so I dropped in too. I told them I use to be a member and I would like to try again. I'm going tomorrow for my first workout.

The lady at Curves asked if I had a special event coming up that I would like to target. I told her I would like to lose 40 pounds by July 28, 2007. Another lady standing by yelled out, "Me too!" Actually, I set Christmas to lose 2 dress sizes. I'm really looking forward to getting back into shape.

Feeling Blue

A couple weeks ago I went in for my annual check-up with my family physician. Of course he ordered blood work, told me I needed a colonoscopy since it has been 12 years since my last one, and told me to be sure and have my GYN send him the results of my visit with him. This past Thursday I went in for the blood work. Let me tell you right here, I have a horrible fear of needles. It doesn't hurt, I know that, but I'm still afraid. You would think after all these years it wouldn't bother me. That is not the purpose of this post. My results came back showing my cholesterol is still high and I have a "moderate" amount of blood in my urine. I have been scheduled to see an urologist on July 2nd.

The Internet is a blessing and a curse. I immediately went to webmd to see what could cause blood in the urine. The BIG C came up. Now I'm freaked out!!! I'm not experiencing any discomfort so I'm hoping it is just a bladder infection that can be cured with an antibiotic; however, I can't dismiss the fact that it could be something more serious. I've written in other posts how turning 60 has been bothering me. Right now I am embracing turning 60. Life is such a wonderful gift but getting old isn't fun.

Yesterday I kept reflecting back on losing Mom, Daddy, my sister and just a year ago the 6th of this month my brother. The tears were flowing non-stop. To make things worse, I have been going through old negatives that I found about a month ago from the 60's and early 70's. (This is a whole different story I will write about next week). Looking at those negatives made the tears flow more. Where has my life gone? What do I have to show? I know, I'm going through a big pity trip right now and I must snap out of this. It's just my nature to think of the worse.

Now I just need to get through the next couple of weeks until my appointment with the urologist. It seems like everything in my body is screaming at me......boy what stress can do.

See the ticker above? That means 6 months from today I'll be turning 60. Where have the years gone? When I was 39 I mourned that entire year. The thought of turning 40 was more than I could handle. I was divorced, raising two children and had no real social life. Life was really hard. I just knew I wouldn't make it to 40. When I woke up on the morning of my 40th birthday, I went into the bathroom, looked myself in the mirror and said, "You made it kid!"

Turning 50 didn't phase me at all. But, now the thought of turning 60 is freaking me out more than turning 40. 60 sounds so old. Even 59 sounds so much younger than 60. I keep thinking of the little old blue haired ladies from my church while I was growing up. Now I'm one of those....without the blue hair. Clairol....thank you.

Lately I've been obsessed about cleaning "things" out. What have I got tucked away that I would not want my children to find after I'm gone? Also, all the "stuff" I have kept that is of no use to anyone, but have brought fond memories for me. I'm tossing these things, because again I don't want my children to have to go through all this "stuff" when I'm gone.

I've also been reflecting on all the things I can and can't do. I wish I was able to say, I can do ***** really well. There isn't one thing I feel I'm better at than anyone I know. Yet, my friends can play the piano or other instrument, knit, paint, garden, write, sing, I could go on and on. I don't mean to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have so much to be grateful for, yet I feel I've missed out on so much as well. Now I feel there's not enough time left to do things I said I would do when I was young.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in good health.....for an old bird. I sure can't do many of the things I did when I was in my 30's. I just feel time is running out. There's so much more I want to do.